For the last few years I’ve started these end of year posts with some metaphor about rebirth and replenishing, or a long winded explanation about how I know nothing of what to say or even where to start. I think in a lot of ways beginning a piece of writing in that manner is a tell tale sign, at least it is for me, of an immaturity or maybe a diversion tool that is actually working against me because it isn’t about what I think I feel, It’s about what I actually feel, and that can be pretty hard to articulate when reflecting on an entire year of what it is we saw, accomplished, and experienced. For the first time in my entire journey as a wedding photographer I have never felt more comfortable with who I am and what it is I want for the future. There is this noticeable change not just within myself but within the friends surrounding me who have also been doing his full time for 5 years now. More abruptly than a gust of wind pummeling dead leaves down an alleyway, I am moved immensely by this realization that those around me are growing into their own and formulating a style, a presence and an identity that could never be compromised by norms within the industry. I don’t feel this is something that can come from just a year or two of being a wedding photographer. The one true constant besides that of change is that when your heart is pure and surrounded by those that reciprocate a love you desire, the blossoms of your intent will be never ending. I know that why I am here is not a complete product of anything I have specifically done, but a mass conjoining of all of those moments along the way where a friend has been there for me, where a fellow artist has moved me, where I was brought to tears by the unconditional love I’ve seen, where I was told no, where I was afraid of progress, where my tail was caught by my own trap, where the unseen refused to see me stuck underwater, and where the lessons learned through nature punctured the ego that can befall us all. I know not of where my journey in this wedding world will take me, but I do know that a few months ago I thought I wanted to work towards being finished with wedding photography, but because of the friends that I keep, because of the couples that continue to amaze me, I don’t think that time is now. This year more than any year I chose to explore the uncomfortable, to seek out the surreal, play around with the norms in a way that I never have. What we create can be as much of what we want, as it can what our couples want. When you’re tired of the inspiration around you, it is good to unhinge all the doors in your mind that you normally use and let any and every corridor be an option. As my fifth year is represented here in this post I am humbly reminded that these photographs are not my own and I can’t be the one who takes full credit for their creation. The immense weight of all that has led me to be behind this camera and the ones who fall on the other side of it goes beyond any formidable and fathomable understanding. There are moments so intricate and move so densely through the entirety of all our lives that to even ponder them is heavy; from the moments we sit at a stoplight, to the intuition we use when making split second decisions, all of those minuscule things that become so transient to us during the struggle are the whispers in the wind that wash our ships wayward and god willingly back home again.
Thank you to everyone that supports me. Big shout out to my assists and friends: Erin, JD, Ryan.